Funeral and Memorial Services

If you are reading this page, I am sorry for your loss, or for your pending loss. The death of a loved one is a really difficult time, and I'm sorry. Pain and loss can be shared, which can help families and friends grow closer, and funerals and memorials can be a ritual that helps people remember their loved ones in a group way, giving each other condolences and support. When someone dies, the feelings of loss are intense, and it can be helpful to share these feelings with loved ones. It's one of the main reasons why funeral services and memorials are held - it's a chance for us to grow closer, and to remember our loved ones in a group way. The process can help with healing, so we don't feel as alone.

Here is some information about how funerals and cremations work, which can be helpful in determining plans. It can be frustrating that there isn't simple, clear, information on the web about logistics, prices, and how things work - I hope that the following helps.

There are basically three ways of having a Minnesota funeral - while there are many different variations, these are the basic ways. This chart can help point you in the right direction, at least, so you know what some of the options are. Prices vary a lot, of course, but these are good rules of thumb.

Burial If you have a favorite/family church	Burial If you have a favorite/family funeral home	Cremation (Spreading ashes)
Embalm body, buy casket. (Funeral parlor) $5,000-6,000	Embalm body, buy casket. (Funeral parlor) $5,000-6,000	Cremate body, buy urn. (Funeral parlor*) $1,000
Funeral at church, then burial at cemetery. (Usually use the church's minister) $4,000-5,000	Funeral at funeral parlor, then burial at cemetery. (Usually the funeral parlor can assign you a minister) $4,000-5,000	Have a memorial while spreading ashes. (If you'd like, Rev. Tomkin can give a memorial at that time) $300

Note that there are other options and variations, but these are three basic ones, just to give you an idea of your available choices.

If you do wish to spread the ashes, you can do so anywhere in Minnesota. Whether it's at your home, or in a park, or over a river, you don't need a permit, it's just a matter of courtesy and decorum. It's nice to have a memorial at that time. Loved ones may give readings, read poems, or tell stories, and before afterwards I may lead us in prayer, talk about our hopes in coming together in remembrance, leading and helping coordinate the ceremony in a sensitive, loving way.

One favorite site for spreading the ashes is a walk-bridge over a river. A walk-bridge can be quite nice because there are no cars to worry about, and the ashes can be spread into the water and carried off downstream. The walk-bridge can then be a place you can always go back to, when you want to remember your loved ones. The best place to spread ashes is on private land where you have permission from the owner, but an example of a local Twin Cities public walk-bridges over the Mississippi River is the landing on the Wabasha Street Bridge in St Paul, MN. You may choose anywhere you wish, of course - these are just suggestions.

In an afternoon (often a Sunday afternoon) of love and sharing, you may remember your loved one in a way that honors their life. In the picture below, the funeral/spreading of ashes was held in a creek, because there was no walk-bridge (again, you may choose any place you'd like).

How the memorial usually goes: We gather around, make introductions, and then we get started. We may gather in a circle, gather our thoughts, then we begin with:

• Introduction and Prayer
• Blessing
  
• Moment of Silence for those who cannot be with us
• Gospel reading
  
• Words from loved ones, such as stories or thoughts about the person who has passed away (this element is optional)
  
• Thoughts for the future (basically, a loving message to remember and honor the loved one who has passed away)
• Prayer and Blessing

Your Minneapolis funeral memorial/spreading-of-ashes may be anywhere in the Minneapolis, MN area, and the timing is usually 20-30 minutes. If there is a song or reading by a friend (not common), it would be longer, but usually 20-30 minutes is about right. Then there's some hugs, and then often the family heads off to someone's home, to break bread together and spend some more time together, eating, and talking about their loved one. A private memorial is not only a time for ritual of remembrance, but an occasion for family to come together to support each other.

I hope the above gives you an idea of how a Minneapolis funeral memorial or spreading ashes might go. You'll receive a complete scripting of the event beforehand, just to make sure all the names are correct and to make sure everything meets your approval. Most people choose to have spread their loved ones ashes outdoors, usually on a Sunday afternoon, with the children, spouse, and other relatives attending. I will travel to anywhere in the Minneapolis and St Paul, Minnesota metro area. There is an honorarium of $300.

Please give me a call at (612) 986-5528. I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope I can help on this day of remembering your loved one.